Swifties are the new cooties, and just as we received the cootie shot in elementary school, it’s time we received the Swift vaccine. Taylor Swift has always appeared to be a confused prepubescent 15-year-old trapped in the body of a red-lipped vixen that made a music career by writing songs based on or inspired by her primitive – and failing – ideologies on love.
“My biggest pet peeve about Taylor is that she walks on stage in front of 25,000 people and still goes, ‘Me? You’re here for me?’ Of course, you’re Taylor Swift, get over it,” said Kelly Osbourne to International Business Times in July 2013.
Many observers would agree with this accusation. When a celebrity is making a million dollars per performance and wins several Grammys, a fake humility signature and puzzling underdog polarity wears thin. Pretty soon the sweetheart persona melts, and she’s going to have to transcend from peevish adolescent into a respectable female artist with respectable, adult thoughts and feelings.
I’m not convinced that Taylor Swift even has any real talent. I’m under the impression, in Swift’s case, that it’s more about putting your money where your mouth is, literally compensating bankrupt vocals with financial backing. Swift’s father, Scott, a financial adviser who started the Swift group, worked for Merrill Lynch Wealth Management, division for Bank of America, for 30 years.
Business Insider has documented financial backings at the start of Swift’s career for things such as tour buses, Swift merchandising and payment for Firefly Entertainment Inc., a recording studio in London. Then shortly after Swift’s big break, the family moved from Pennsylvania to Tennessee, where her father started his own practice – curious, isn’t it?
Dan Dymtrow, Swift’s first manager at Dmand Entertainment, worked with Swift for a modest 5 to 10 percent of Taylor’s earnings. When he didn’t receive a penny of the money their contract stipulated, Dymtrow sued the artist in 2007. The lawsuit was quietly settled and hidden from sight, but unfortunately Swift and her family have a bad habit of spilling their private lives to the public.
“The most damning piece of evidence from the lawsuit was an email Taylor’s dad supposedly sent to Scott Borchetta showing a prearranged agreement to dump Dymtrow before Big Machine would sign Taylor,” an article on Saving Country Music’s website said in July 2012.
“Enough with the Dymtrow,” Swift’s father allegedly wrote to Scott Borchetta, “you asked me to break both his legs, wrap him in chains and throw him in the lake. I did.”
A word of advice: instead of revealing all the details of her personal life by writing about her speedy love cycles and then having to constantly reinvent ways to explain love and heartbreak, try writing about a menstrual cycle. It’s just as uniquely relatable to a widely female-based audience and covers an even wider range of emotions.
In all honesty, if Taylor Swift doesn’t find a new sellable persona that defines who she wants to be artistically, then she will rot away with her dated lyrics and auto-tuned vocals, because while people grow and change, personas, logos and signatures do not. We all have to grow up; it’s time for high school Swift to do the same, before we really have to consider a vaccine.
This was the most random rant I have ever read from The Pacer.