The Pacer

Independent voice of the University of Tennessee at Martin

    • Hawk Spot! Skystrology

    Skystrology: Volume 95, Issue 5

    Trenton Michon Posted on
    They really make a card for everything, even "I'm sorry my dog stepped on your niece's hamster. Taurus: The stars have canceled you on twitter for being mean Gemini: When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Life will not give you sugar and ice though, so it's some nasty lemonade. Cancer: Opportunity is knocking. Please put on some pants before you answer the door. Leo: "being a mischievous fellow" is not a proper excuse for doing 90mph in a school zone. Virgo: You will finally find enough evidence to prove Dwayne Johnson and "The Rock" are the same person. Libra: The stars know you have sinned. Did you really think you could get away with only pulling 3 cards in UNO? Scorpio: Your next wild weekend will end up with you being added to the North American cryptids listing. Sagittarius: The answer to number 15 on the final is "C". Just trust me on this, bro. Capricorn: Your ethical dilemma will be solved with the mental clarity given by almost being plowed down on the crosswalk by a Ford F-150 extended cab. Aquarius: Fate has smiled upon you. Your horrible misspelling of "spaghetti bolognese" remains unnoticed in the group chat. Pisces: you will eat a really great burrito. I'm talking like life-changing.
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    Trenton Michon
    Trenton Michon is a Co-viewpoints editor and the creator of Hawk Spot, Skystrology, and Pacer Pete Chronicles. For some insane reason, he also believes he's funny.
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